BE IT KNOWN, this agreement is entered into on the 21st day of June, 1998, between Lisa W. Paffufnick and James P. Whoziwhatsit.
Whereas the parties contemplate owning one or more felines, and it is their mutual desire to enter into this agreement so that they will continue to enjoy their own marriage and property, and are owning felines because of the enjoyment it may give either party but that they do not desire to cause undo discontent to either party. Now, therefore, it is a agreed as follows:
- The correct answer to “either the cats go or I go” is “the cats go.”
- Homo Sapiens are more important than felines.
- Although either party may have previous experience with felines, there is much to learn about being the primary caretakers for them. It is not assumed that either party knows all that is needed to be known, and thus both parties agree to educate themselves. Discussing feline ownership with other feline owners is considered useful but not a substitution for proper research.
- Felines can be trained to avoid inappropriate behavior and encourage appropriate behavior. Such training methods will be researched and used consistently. Felines will not be allowed to train Homo Sapiens, and both parties will endeavor to support feline training.
- Many Homo Sapiens are allergic to feline dander. All reasonable steps will be taken to eliminate allergic reactions in Homo Sapiens.
- Children and long-term visitors will not be asked to take medication with the sole purpose of alleviating allergic reactions to feline dander. Either party may veto the request of a child to take such medication.
- If a child or long-term visitor is allergic to feline dander or becomes allergic to feline dander, and none of the steps taken to eliminate this allergic reaction is successful, either party may declare this agreement null and void, and that felines may not continue to interfere with their continued happiness in their home and marriage.
- If a feline has a behavior problem that is not cured with medication and training, that feline may be traded away for a new feline, but it may not continue to live in the house of the involved parties.
This agreement shall be enforced by the desire of both parties to continue matrimonial bliss.